Nothing. end of the blog post. straight and easy isnt it?
I say nothing because I cant pinpoint to a specific thing, a specific lesson, moment where I thought it was worth it.
As bad as it sounds and harsh, its piercing into my heart when I write these words. It pains me to do it; but at the same time putting it out there I know what I need to look for, what to watch out for.
There might be a thousand ways how to raise a child, how to be a good parent and I dont want to sit here with a to do list of those one thousand things.
The list of what not to do is much smaller, simpler, straight forward and in my opinion much more impactful.
- Do not drink.
There’s nothing to say to this. Dont drink. Go have a beer at the pub, blow off some steam but the moment you enter that door there should be no alcohol smell.
This is not to say, you cant have that one beer. But thats the issue, that one becomes two, three, four.
Out of nowhere is an issue.
“Oh but I dont have an issue” … yes, neither did I… until I did.
Was harder to admit to myself. It wasnt getting drunk every day, or with the whiskey every evening. It was a beer here, another one there; but it adds up.
Even if that one beer never went more than that, it brought back memories. I couldnt fully enjoy that glass.
In the back of my head there was always a voice: “steady there, thats enough already”
Yes, drinking was to numb the pain, to forget. Drinking was making me weaker. Even that one beer. Actually that one beer was making me weaker. I didnt need to have a full case or a full bottle, one single beer was enough.
Because initially was let me just relax with a beer this evening; that evening becomes two, three and a week goes by.
Whats a beer every day after a week ?
Its not about the quantity of alcohol. Its the pattern.
It was making me weaker, I could still think, I could still perform daily activities, the alcohol levels dont raise that much. But I was becoming weaker.
I was letting alcohol get to me, not because of the quantity. That was the excuse, one beer wont do anything.
True, it wont do anything, one beer. But one every evening after a week, two weeks?
I was feeling I was becoming less of a man, let alone an example of a father. It doesnt even matter if the child was one year old or three years old or ten.
It was breaking my character, my sworn I will not drink, my Im better than this.
This is where it changed. I realised it was affecting my character as an example. The pattern, the daily just one beer.
There wasnt anything else to it, I could still do my daily stuff, held conversations, do house chores, ecc ecc because lets be honest one beer will not break you.
But the pattern of doing it every day that was slowly demoralising me and I wouldnt understand why I was down so I would have one; and the circle continues.
I have an ick with people drinking until they pass out because I have seen it as a child; with people always arguing after a glass or two because they think they are invincible.
More so, when I am sitting at the bar as a ten year old watching others getting drunk.
The alcohol in and of itself is not an issue, the quantity and the pattern is.
Seeking comfort in the arms of a glass is distancing yourself from your own thoughts. You are running away.
Its easy to find an excuse; any excuse would do isnt it?
Very hard to admit you have an issue, because you are becoming weaker as a person. I didnt want to admit I was running away from myself, I couldnt watch myself in the mirror. I was ashamed.
It does indeed take a grown ass man to admit to himself and others they need help or they have a problem. Mostly because its being ridiculed; which I can understand the perspective.
But not when it affects me as a father, as an example I do not want to be and/or become.
I truly believe anyone who drinks constantly is running away from something.
I was running away from myself, from accepting myself, from the possibility of improving.
Why do I have to repeat history, when I want to break the chains? If I was looking at myself from a third person perspective, I would have been ashamed of myself; becoming what I hated the most.
#building_better_fathers #diary_of_a_dad